My celibacy journey

Hello love,

I am so glad you are here reading this! I want you to know you’re not alone in however you’re feeling.

Now that I’ve quit my job, I want to pour even more time in to being here to help & serve you. Writing is something I’ve been doing a lot of lately and I want to share more with you.

I was just creating a post for Instagram about my struggles as a female, and some around being a single female since Valentine’s Day is right around the corner.

So let’s get to the purpose of writing this post. My celibacy.

Literally I’ve been celibate for almost 9 motherfucking years.

BELIEVE me when I say it’s not because I want to be. But I also cannot give my sexual energy or power away to men anymore who are unworthy or undeserving. Also when you start your spiritual journey and learn that you take on the other person’s energy when you have sex, it makes you be a lot more selective about who you’re allowing in your life, literally.

This is something I freely tell my friends and sometimes still have been embarrassed about it. But WHY!? I should be fucking CELEBRATING THE SHIT OUT OF MYSELF!!!! Especially because I used to be that girl who gave my sexual energy away so freely to men. And even recently sometimes within dating, I still have done this, even if it’s just sexual conversations. In January after going out on this date when I was traveling, and the way this man was showing up where he only wanted to keep talking to me when we were talking sexually…I was like no I’m fucking done. I didn’t even feel comfortable around him or barely knew him.

But I also want to talk about some of the other struggles I’ve had as a female, and a single female.

Sometimes the loneliness I experience by choosing me feels like I’m fucking drowning.

2015 was also the last year I was in a relationship. And again, not because I haven’t wanted to be. Because believe me, I am like the LOVER OF FUCKING LOVE. I’m a Leo, my Venus is in Leo, and I JUST FUCKING LOVE LOVE. I love being loved, I love giving love. And I honestly just love men and going on dates and flirting.

But again I have not been able to find anyone who’s worthy of me and I refuse to settle. This has been really difficult for me because I was the queen of settling for so many years. But I feel like God was like Jess that’s enough, you deserve better bitch lol.

Also in spiritual terms if you want to go there, when we are single and celibate it does clear out our chakra pillar and really clears our energy in general. I don’t know the depths of how to explain this, but it’s something I learned before from a mentor.

But back to the loneliness, I have struggled even more because I have outgrown so many friendships in the last few months (literally like had to let go of probably 10 people) and I am feeling that motherfucking void. I know this is the space where magic happens, and I know what to do when I feel lonely. But sometimes it still fucking sucks cock.

There’s also the body images struggles.

I’m just fucking mad at how my body looks sometimes.

Last year I experienced a bunch of grief and a bunch of stress. And although I eat super healthy, have healed eating disorders, and am active, I have not been feeling my best, I have been feeling heavier emotionally and physically at times.

I had a dream where I gave myself a message that I was experiencing this because of the grief and stress, which I felt like I knew…but sometimes I overanalyze and my intuition/higher self will come through for me in my dreams haha.

If you didn’t know, I lost 60 lbs senior year of college after being overweight & bullied a big part of my life. Then I was a health & fitness coach for 7 years and was obsessive about my workouts, in an unhealthy way. So there is some perfectionism stuff I have been healing for a while.

And honestly since all the shit I’ve been through the last few years (as so many of us have) since quarantine/shut down, sometimes the last thing I want to do is move.

And on top of that, I’m 36 now (I’ll be 37 in August) and there are some aging things that are happening. Nothing crazy but more grays than usual and some smile line wrinkles.

These are all things I also actively am healing and working on and know what to do about. But sometimes it feels fucking frustrating. And I just like someone needed to know they’re not alone.

PS: if you want the tools I use to deal with these struggles, you can check out my new signature program Divine Feminine Rebirth. It’s literally all the tools I’ve used to transform the worst year of my life to the best year I had in a decade.

The biggest tool of all is UNCONDITIONAL SELF LOVE. Be your own bff boo, you deserve it.

It is time to not cram our feelings down anymore. It’s time to feel this, to heal this, & to alchemize this. To talk about it!!! To let that fucking shit out!!!!

I invite you to a special goddess circle for Valentine’s Day where we will do just this. It’s happening this Wednesday at 6pm EST. And it’s completely FREE!!

We may also do some rituals and a reading, maybe some dance…whatever my intuition & God leads us to do is where the magic & healing will happen! 

It’s time we come together and do things differently. And I love you. SO FUCKING MUCH!!!

Let me know if this helped you today xoxo 😘